I can and will!
Back when I was in my late 20s, I used to smoke a lot of dope. So one nite I am so roasted I am half unconscious and absolutely starving. So I bust open a bag of Tostitos and am shoving them down so fast you can't believe it. And I get choked. And I can't get the stuff up or down or out of my throat. So I'm sitting there with my buddy and he's laughing cause he thinks I'm joking and I'm thinking "I am gonna choke to death on gotdamn Tostitos before my girlfriend gets here and we get it on one last time!" So I start jumping up and down and my buddy gets it and heimlichs me and BOOM out comes the chips and we both fell onto the coffee table. Which has two big glass inserts for the top. And they break all to hells and thank Baby Jesus neither one of us got cut.
So now I'm alive again and not dying but just then my girlfriend comes in the door and sees us laying on top of the remnants of the coffee table and goes ballistic. Needless to say, JAFO didn't get no love that nite.
Friggin Tostitos...
Yeah well once i was getting ready to brush my teeth, and im putting toothpaste on the toothbrush, and as i get to the end of the brush, the last bristles spring back and shot a blob of toothpaste into my eye, and that shit burned sooo bad.
But not as bad as the the day i shot myself in the eye with concentrated CS......my buddy was a MP and i was looking at his flashlight, the call them lackland lasers, and it had 2 buttons, so im looking at the reflector, i hit one button, the light comes on...cool .....hey what does this other button do ? it shot CS ....