This tomfoolery is going to give me cardiac arrest. Speaking of, not many people know how to perform CPR, many don't even know what CPR is.
With a half-million cardiac arrests in the US each year, CPR increases the likelihood of survival. And it’s not just for healthcare workers and emergency responders anymore. Anybody and everybody can and should learn CPR. Learning how to perform CPR properly takes just a few short hours, but it can change a life forever.
In the mean time, here are the steps the Red Cross recommends to provide high quality CPR:
1) CHECK the scene for safety, form an initial impression and use personal protective equipment (PPE).
2) If the person appears unresponsive, CHECK for responsiveness, breathing, life-threatening bleeding or other life-threatening conditions using the shout-tap-shout method.
3) If the person does not respond and is not breathing or only gasping, CALL 9-1-1 / 9-9-9 and get equipment, or tell someone to do so.
4) Kneel beside the person. Place the person on their back on a firm, flat surface.
5) Give 30 chest compressions with two hands centered on the chest, shoulders directly over hands, and elbows locked. Compress the chest 2 inches at a rate of 100 to 120 per minute, then allow chest to return to normal position after each compression.
6) Give 2 breaths by opening the airway to a past-neutral position using the head-tilt/chin-lift technique, pinching the nose shut, taking a normal breath, making a complete seal over the person’s mouth with your mouth, and ensuring each breath lasts about 1 second and makes the chest rise.
7) Check for signs of a heartbeat and breathing. If there is none repeat steps 5 and 6.
In your case, Chris, as an alternative to step 6 I'd recommend you spread the cheeks to a past-neutral position, pinch the balls, make a complete seal with your mouth, and French kiss my butthole.
Get ready. Says he’s logging on soon
