Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself.
He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, your next!!"
Woman goes to the Doctors and says "I'm getting too much discharge".
Doctor says "Pop your knickers off and slip onto the bed".
He puts on his latex gloves and applies 3 fingers into her vagina.
"How does that feel?" he asks.
"Fooking lovely" she replies "But the discharge is in my ear!"
An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said
"You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".
"1st - Who was born in a stable?"
"Red Rum" he replied
"2nd - What do you think of Damascus ?"
"It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive?"
"That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the shit out of them!!".
Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years."
His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"
Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!"
Man walks into a bookstore and says
"Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?"
Girl says "I don’t think it’s in yet"
He replies "Yeah, that’s the one!"
Irish newlyweds turn up at their hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite. The receptionist asks "Do you have reservations?"
Bride says "Well . . . . .I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse!!!"
