I went up to this girl, and tried to charm her by saying, "Hi, I was going to tell you a joke about my penis, but it's too long."
She said, "Oh what a coincidence, I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
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Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.
"What's wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol.
"It's my boyfriend," gushes Judi. "He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!"
"My god," shrieks Carol. "Did it chop off his WHOLE finger!?"
"No thank goodness," sniffs Judi. "It was the one just next to it!"
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A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only eight condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other three condoms?"
His nervous reply was, "Err... I masturbated with them."
Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?"
"Yeah, once or twice," he told her.
"You mean you've actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked.
"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."
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I was watching a porn movie the other day, when it occurred to me: The only time I've ever made my wife scream like that during sex was when I wiped my cock on the new bedroom curtains.
She said, "Oh what a coincidence, I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
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Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.
"What's wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol.
"It's my boyfriend," gushes Judi. "He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!"
"My god," shrieks Carol. "Did it chop off his WHOLE finger!?"
"No thank goodness," sniffs Judi. "It was the one just next to it!"
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A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only eight condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other three condoms?"
His nervous reply was, "Err... I masturbated with them."
Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?"
"Yeah, once or twice," he told her.
"You mean you've actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked.
"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."
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I was watching a porn movie the other day, when it occurred to me: The only time I've ever made my wife scream like that during sex was when I wiped my cock on the new bedroom curtains.