- 10/6/14
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I dont know if most of you have not noticed that I have not been around a lot for the past few weeks.
Some of you that know me know that my brother had a substance abuse issue and 3 weeks ago ended his life. Prior to him starting down this path, which started at the age of 40 and ended at 50, he was the best friend and brother one could ask for.
I have had an out poring of friends from here issuing amazing words of wisdom and kindness. Checking in on me. I am getting better more concerned about my 70 year old mom.
The messed up thing is being and ex homicide detective I knew this would end one of 2 ways. Sobriety or death. I thought of his death 100's of times. How to deal with my mom if it happen. How to deal with his and my daughters. My wife. My sister. I even had a fund set up for funeral $ in case because my sister is a church worker and my mom is retired and he was on SSI. The one thing I never considered was how I would feel. I never had to. As a cop my job was to make sure I took care of people but it was never personal.
Well it hit me like a ton of bricks when I got the call from the NYPD that he was found dead.
I am better now and slowly coming back. I spent today doing watches for the first time in weeks. The last 10 years of dealing with this crap is over. He is now at peace with all his demons. I will miss my older brother for ever. Even in the worst of his addiction there was a little bit of him still there and It would come out.
If anyone here has anyone in addiction or is going through depression. Please, Please, reach out to me or anyone. I know I don't know how it feels but I hear it Is the most empty feeling in the world and all you want Is the noise to stop. If there is anything I can do for you or your loved one, phone calls to amazing rehabs, drive them or even spend time with them if they are local. I will. I wish I would had did a lot of thing differently. I know and don't take blame in his death but it doesn't help. I know if it didnt happen that Sunday it would had happen another day.
Be there for each other. Even here. Life is way too short, Sorry to share such a sad story. But for those who kept asking where I was this has been my life for the last 3 weeks. Be kind and there for each other.
Rob
Some of you that know me know that my brother had a substance abuse issue and 3 weeks ago ended his life. Prior to him starting down this path, which started at the age of 40 and ended at 50, he was the best friend and brother one could ask for.
I have had an out poring of friends from here issuing amazing words of wisdom and kindness. Checking in on me. I am getting better more concerned about my 70 year old mom.
The messed up thing is being and ex homicide detective I knew this would end one of 2 ways. Sobriety or death. I thought of his death 100's of times. How to deal with my mom if it happen. How to deal with his and my daughters. My wife. My sister. I even had a fund set up for funeral $ in case because my sister is a church worker and my mom is retired and he was on SSI. The one thing I never considered was how I would feel. I never had to. As a cop my job was to make sure I took care of people but it was never personal.
Well it hit me like a ton of bricks when I got the call from the NYPD that he was found dead.
I am better now and slowly coming back. I spent today doing watches for the first time in weeks. The last 10 years of dealing with this crap is over. He is now at peace with all his demons. I will miss my older brother for ever. Even in the worst of his addiction there was a little bit of him still there and It would come out.
If anyone here has anyone in addiction or is going through depression. Please, Please, reach out to me or anyone. I know I don't know how it feels but I hear it Is the most empty feeling in the world and all you want Is the noise to stop. If there is anything I can do for you or your loved one, phone calls to amazing rehabs, drive them or even spend time with them if they are local. I will. I wish I would had did a lot of thing differently. I know and don't take blame in his death but it doesn't help. I know if it didnt happen that Sunday it would had happen another day.
Be there for each other. Even here. Life is way too short, Sorry to share such a sad story. But for those who kept asking where I was this has been my life for the last 3 weeks. Be kind and there for each other.
Rob