THINKERS ANONYMOUS
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening, I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, I'm going to have to let you go." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed,
"I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking,"
she said, "Again! I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, it's not that serious."
"It is too serious!" she said, her lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as a college professor and they don't make any money! I refuse to let you do that to me!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR blaring on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. But they wouldn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it read.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from Thinkers Anonymous. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video. Last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seems... easier, somehow, now that I've stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
In fact, today I registered as a
Democrat.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening, I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, I'm going to have to let you go." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed,
"I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking,"
she said, "Again! I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, it's not that serious."
"It is too serious!" she said, her lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as a college professor and they don't make any money! I refuse to let you do that to me!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR blaring on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. But they wouldn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it read.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from Thinkers Anonymous. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video. Last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seems... easier, somehow, now that I've stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
In fact, today I registered as a
Democrat.
