- 28/9/09
- 4,098
- 23
- 38
I only recently had the chance to watch a movie called The Wolfman (2010), directed by Joe Johnston (famous corn toaster and own fart igniter) starred by Benicio Del Toro. It was supposed to be a remake of the cult movie The Wolf Man (1941), a real classic down in film making history starred by Lon Chaney Jr.
I am convinced the remake added new fanciful material to the old story, which really might fit well in this area of the forum, so I thought it might be interesting to post here the whole movie's script.
SPOILERS ALERT
Lawrence Talbot/Chewie1 : Benicio Del Toro
Sir John Talbot/Chewie2 : Hannibal Lecter
Gwen Conliffe : Emily Blunt
Singh (butler) : Gandalf
Agent Smith/Chewie3 : Himself
Ben Talbot's corpse: Simon Merrels
THE WOLFMAN
CHEWBACCA AND HIS WAISTCOAT
The first 10 minutes show Lawrence Talbot going home. Nothing happens, he keeps on going back home for 10 minutes.
TALBOT: Hi dad.
HANNIBAL LECTER: Hi Lawrence, your brother is dead.
TALBOT: I see. Is there any porridge left?
HANNIBAL LECTER: No, go see your bro's corpse. It's being kept by the butcher.
TALBOT: Interesting choice >.>
Eeeww, Ben's corpse is skinny and very sticky. Murderer or scary monster?
BUTCHER: No clue. Incidentally, we have awesome sirloins...
TALBOT: I'll go back home for dinner.
HANNIBAL LECTER: Supper's ready, raw eel tonight.
TALBOT: wtf, no thanks, I'll just have some booze I guess. Why are you wearing a giraffe skin and sunglasses in the absolute darkness dad?
HANNIBAL LECTER: This is a horror movie, son. Not every detail has to make sense, plausibility gets sacrificed on the altar of atmosphere, eventually.
TALBOT: erm... couldn't we afford more candles to have some decent lighting in the mansion? It's damn dark in here.
HANNIBAL LECTER: We already spent most of the budget for the ape outfit and the rest of the special effects: my giraffe overcoat. Quit asking silly questions about ordinary stuff, looks like I generated a damn nitpicker. I am trying to look alarming, your candle question makes me look awkward.
TALBOT: mmhh.. I thought we were considerably wealthy. Why alarming? I am your son, I am back home after spending long years abroad.
HANNIBAL LECTER: Why can I not decide to look scary in my own damn house? We still live in a friggin democratic country, don't we?
TALBOT: OK, I go to the village fair, they sell candybar and sometimes quince jam.
HANNIBAL LECTER: Your bro's corpse is still warm, rotting in the cellar and you want quince jam?
Oh well, try to be here before midnight, it gets scary for me, all alone in the dark.
TALBOT: 3x2 special is on, I doubt Ben's corpse will disintegrate in a couple hours, anyway.
Awfully enough it'll still be there tomorrow.
Talbot goes to the fair and gets bitten by an angry ape. Gandalf, the
pakistani butler, takes care of him. Inspector Smith knocks at the door.
AGENT SMITH: Very well Mr. Anderson, been bitten by an ape, haven't we?
Since there are no apes in UK, you seem to be the suspect.
TALBOT: Huh? My name is Talbot. You mean I might have bitten my own neck?
AGENT SMITH: That's for me to suspect and for you to guess, Mr.
Anderson.
TALBOT: AAAARGGGHHHH!! I feel I am going to turn into a were-ape. Oh noes, I'll look like a quaker with beard and moustache, I'll sport Pierre Littbarski's haircut... My muscles and body structure might change substantially, my clothes might get torn except for my elasticated waistcoat of course. I will have to dry clean it again tomorrow, heck.
HANNIBAL LECTER: pfff not again... can you go slaughter outside please?
Gandalf has just finished waxing the damn floors... I am dead, can't clean up guts all day, damnit. I am actually dead, look into my eyes...
TALBOT: Dead? Can I have your giraffe overcoat then?
Talbot turns into Chewbacca, a were-ape. Chewbacca is still dressed up
in dorky clothes, elasticated waistcoat included.
TOWN FOLKS: Let's dig a huge pit to trap Chewie and jump all in.
Chewbacca falls in the pit and kills some peasants. He doesn't seem to eat them, he probably just resents their strong British accent.
Then he gets caught.
CHEWBACCA: (hooked up before a crowd of scientists) I admit I am a
scary monster, either you kill me or I kill you all.
Scientist: I'd rather die, if you don't mind.
CHEWBACCA: OK, disclaimer delivered anyway. (he kills em all)
Chewie goes back home. A brawl starts with Hannibal who apparently is Chewie too. They probably fight for the giraffe overcoat. Chewie2 tears apart the giraffe overcoat so he gets decapitated and burnt by Chewie1, agent Smith is turned into a were-ape: Chewie3.
Chewie1 only spares his girlfriend Gwen's life. In return for that she kills him.
When Chewie1/Talbot dies he is still wearing his elasticated waistcoat.
END
:jellyg:
I am convinced the remake added new fanciful material to the old story, which really might fit well in this area of the forum, so I thought it might be interesting to post here the whole movie's script.
SPOILERS ALERT
Lawrence Talbot/Chewie1 : Benicio Del Toro
Sir John Talbot/Chewie2 : Hannibal Lecter
Gwen Conliffe : Emily Blunt
Singh (butler) : Gandalf
Agent Smith/Chewie3 : Himself
Ben Talbot's corpse: Simon Merrels
THE WOLFMAN
CHEWBACCA AND HIS WAISTCOAT
The first 10 minutes show Lawrence Talbot going home. Nothing happens, he keeps on going back home for 10 minutes.
TALBOT: Hi dad.
HANNIBAL LECTER: Hi Lawrence, your brother is dead.
TALBOT: I see. Is there any porridge left?
HANNIBAL LECTER: No, go see your bro's corpse. It's being kept by the butcher.
TALBOT: Interesting choice >.>
Eeeww, Ben's corpse is skinny and very sticky. Murderer or scary monster?
BUTCHER: No clue. Incidentally, we have awesome sirloins...
TALBOT: I'll go back home for dinner.
HANNIBAL LECTER: Supper's ready, raw eel tonight.
TALBOT: wtf, no thanks, I'll just have some booze I guess. Why are you wearing a giraffe skin and sunglasses in the absolute darkness dad?
HANNIBAL LECTER: This is a horror movie, son. Not every detail has to make sense, plausibility gets sacrificed on the altar of atmosphere, eventually.
TALBOT: erm... couldn't we afford more candles to have some decent lighting in the mansion? It's damn dark in here.
HANNIBAL LECTER: We already spent most of the budget for the ape outfit and the rest of the special effects: my giraffe overcoat. Quit asking silly questions about ordinary stuff, looks like I generated a damn nitpicker. I am trying to look alarming, your candle question makes me look awkward.
TALBOT: mmhh.. I thought we were considerably wealthy. Why alarming? I am your son, I am back home after spending long years abroad.
HANNIBAL LECTER: Why can I not decide to look scary in my own damn house? We still live in a friggin democratic country, don't we?
TALBOT: OK, I go to the village fair, they sell candybar and sometimes quince jam.
HANNIBAL LECTER: Your bro's corpse is still warm, rotting in the cellar and you want quince jam?
Oh well, try to be here before midnight, it gets scary for me, all alone in the dark.
TALBOT: 3x2 special is on, I doubt Ben's corpse will disintegrate in a couple hours, anyway.
Awfully enough it'll still be there tomorrow.
Talbot goes to the fair and gets bitten by an angry ape. Gandalf, the
pakistani butler, takes care of him. Inspector Smith knocks at the door.
AGENT SMITH: Very well Mr. Anderson, been bitten by an ape, haven't we?
Since there are no apes in UK, you seem to be the suspect.
TALBOT: Huh? My name is Talbot. You mean I might have bitten my own neck?
AGENT SMITH: That's for me to suspect and for you to guess, Mr.
Anderson.
TALBOT: AAAARGGGHHHH!! I feel I am going to turn into a were-ape. Oh noes, I'll look like a quaker with beard and moustache, I'll sport Pierre Littbarski's haircut... My muscles and body structure might change substantially, my clothes might get torn except for my elasticated waistcoat of course. I will have to dry clean it again tomorrow, heck.
HANNIBAL LECTER: pfff not again... can you go slaughter outside please?
Gandalf has just finished waxing the damn floors... I am dead, can't clean up guts all day, damnit. I am actually dead, look into my eyes...
TALBOT: Dead? Can I have your giraffe overcoat then?
Talbot turns into Chewbacca, a were-ape. Chewbacca is still dressed up
in dorky clothes, elasticated waistcoat included.
TOWN FOLKS: Let's dig a huge pit to trap Chewie and jump all in.
Chewbacca falls in the pit and kills some peasants. He doesn't seem to eat them, he probably just resents their strong British accent.
Then he gets caught.
CHEWBACCA: (hooked up before a crowd of scientists) I admit I am a
scary monster, either you kill me or I kill you all.
Scientist: I'd rather die, if you don't mind.
CHEWBACCA: OK, disclaimer delivered anyway. (he kills em all)
Chewie goes back home. A brawl starts with Hannibal who apparently is Chewie too. They probably fight for the giraffe overcoat. Chewie2 tears apart the giraffe overcoat so he gets decapitated and burnt by Chewie1, agent Smith is turned into a were-ape: Chewie3.
Chewie1 only spares his girlfriend Gwen's life. In return for that she kills him.
When Chewie1/Talbot dies he is still wearing his elasticated waistcoat.
END
:jellyg: