10 I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."
9 My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.
8 Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite.
7 A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
6 "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home." He said: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" I asked. "It's not unusual," he replied.
5 Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.
4 A classic from Tommy Cooper - I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."
3 A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."
2 Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
1 A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
9 My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.
8 Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite.
7 A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
6 "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home." He said: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" I asked. "It's not unusual," he replied.
5 Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.
4 A classic from Tommy Cooper - I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."
3 A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."
2 Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
1 A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
