Cursing on the job...

[DP.DarkSide]

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course

of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints
received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the
critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue in an effective manner.


1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-b usting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f______ problem.

8 ) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the f__ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir? INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the f___ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a pr_ck

Thank You,
Human Resources

 

[crunch]

Haha~~~ That's some funny shxt.....

I'm gonna have to send this off to my buddies at work!!

Thx~

 

[JOEJOEJOE]

I love it Very funny.

J

 

[sub4me]

LOL

 

[WatchDog]

I'm printing this out for the office, so fitting.

 

[Hambone]

DP, that is some funny fucking posting.

 

[sub4me]

Some still say DP is a bot. But how could abot be this funny? Is a mystery, no?

 

[Hambone]

Funny for a bot. "Excellent posting" response, Funny F**king posting". End of mystery.

 

[fakemaster]

I may not get it but this is what I have at my office:

1) TRY SAYING:
Are your parents brother and sister?
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:
She's a man hating bitch.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-b usting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I'll do it....when you give me a raise.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that your an idiot.
INSTEAD OF:
No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING:
No fucking way!
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with someone who gives a shit.
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING:
Don't look at me. I'm the smart one.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f______ problem.

8 ) TRY SAYING:
The next time you have a thought, let it go.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:
That's a stupid idea but I'll give it a whirl.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
Thanks to you I'll have to reschedule that moron.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the f__ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He needs to get his head out of his ass.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me? Say that again, I dare you.
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it? Too fucking bad.
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING:
I don't get paid enough for this shit.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
Is your first language English?
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING:
This job sucks donkey ass.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:
Kiss my pasty ass.
INSTEAD OF:
Who the f___ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING:
He's a dickhead.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a pr_ck

Thank You,
Human Resources

 

[DP.DarkSide]

Thanks for all the replies...

Glad everyone enjoyed it.