• Tired of adverts on RWI? - Subscribe by clicking HERE and PMing Trailboss for instructions and they will magically go away!

Something personal

occb2

Super Moderator
Staff member
Global Moderator
Certified
10/6/14
14,018
4,052
113
I dont know if most of you have not noticed that I have not been around a lot for the past few weeks.

Some of you that know me know that my brother had a substance abuse issue and 3 weeks ago ended his life. Prior to him starting down this path, which started at the age of 40 and ended at 50, he was the best friend and brother one could ask for.

I have had an out poring of friends from here issuing amazing words of wisdom and kindness. Checking in on me. I am getting better more concerned about my 70 year old mom.

The messed up thing is being and ex homicide detective I knew this would end one of 2 ways. Sobriety or death. I thought of his death 100's of times. How to deal with my mom if it happen. How to deal with his and my daughters. My wife. My sister. I even had a fund set up for funeral $ in case because my sister is a church worker and my mom is retired and he was on SSI. The one thing I never considered was how I would feel. I never had to. As a cop my job was to make sure I took care of people but it was never personal.

Well it hit me like a ton of bricks when I got the call from the NYPD that he was found dead.

I am better now and slowly coming back. I spent today doing watches for the first time in weeks. The last 10 years of dealing with this crap is over. He is now at peace with all his demons. I will miss my older brother for ever. Even in the worst of his addiction there was a little bit of him still there and It would come out.

If anyone here has anyone in addiction or is going through depression. Please, Please, reach out to me or anyone. I know I don't know how it feels but I hear it Is the most empty feeling in the world and all you want Is the noise to stop. If there is anything I can do for you or your loved one, phone calls to amazing rehabs, drive them or even spend time with them if they are local. I will. I wish I would had did a lot of thing differently. I know and don't take blame in his death but it doesn't help. I know if it didnt happen that Sunday it would had happen another day.

Be there for each other. Even here. Life is way too short, Sorry to share such a sad story. But for those who kept asking where I was this has been my life for the last 3 weeks. Be kind and there for each other.

Rob
 

ShovelnTC

Renowned Member
14/6/13
896
271
63
AU
Sorry for your loss mate, nothing can make these time easy.

It's sometimes seen that the trivial things in life are unimportant but things like our hobbies and interests such as our watches can take the mind off the more challenging things that we have to deal with so even if only for a minute those minutes can keep us sane.
 

Jobe0074

So many watches so little time
Supporter
Certified
18/1/19
375
309
63
Australia
I’m sorry for your loss mate - & it’s lovely of you to share this heartfelt message & tribute to your brother
ive also lost a brother, not in the same circumstances but through melanoma (very common here in Australia) - I feel your pain & send you a virtual man-hug mate - as we know, nothing but time tends to help with such loss - important thing is to look after yourself as it’s an easy thing to do when you’re grieving
even though this forum is for watches etc, something that (at the end of the day) gives us all joy, but in the whole scheme of what’s really important in life, really it’s not, it’s just “stuff” - family & friends etc is where it’s at mate isn’t it - group hug mate, chin up & continue on being the best you can be for ya bro
heres cheers mate
 

Rx4Time

Supporter, Panerai lover
Supporter
Certified
31/3/16
10,855
7,557
113
CONUS
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My prayers go out to your brother, you and your family. Addiction is a horrible demon. In my profession I see it frequently. It pains me to watch as someone deteriorates rapidly as the addiction takes hold. Peace be with you.
 

Natas78

Trusted Watchmaker
Vendor (Watch Repair)
Patron
Certified
21/8/11
3,828
1,643
113
EU
Hey Rob, you are an exceptionally kind hearted person, and my thoughts gonout to you and your relatives in this harsh times.
This community does wonders to aleviate some of your troubles, that’s a fact.
Keep your chin up!
-N.
 

mydnytrydr

Mythical Poster
25/9/09
7,800
219
63
I had a family member who was a casualty to opiates .. Drug abuse if untreated rarely ends well, and I extend to you my deepest sympathies … Stay strong …...
 

capice

I'm Pretty Popular
12/12/07
2,715
558
113
Sorry to hear this story bro, it must have been a tough path for you and your family. Sorry I bothered you with my pm lately...I now understand. Your brother now has peace, so will you and your family but it will hurt...Stay strong m8.....this community is with you....
 
Last edited:

trendconcept

Renowned Member
13/6/16
619
265
63
My deepest condolences.

Thank you for your wise and profound thoughts which have inspired me to reflect. I wish you and your whole family much strength and only the best.

- T.
 

Nivka

Put Some Respect On My Name
10/4/15
5,200
1,383
113
Australia
Damn. So sorry to hear it, Rob. There’s still so much stigma and misunderstanding about substance abuse and depression. Substance abuse is a chronic disease. Depression is psychically painful. Both come with so much suffering.

His pain has ended now and your family surviving him is the cost of his relief. He’s handed that suffering to you and your family. I hope that you realise that every heartache and tear you experience now will save him that same suffering.

I lost my best mate to heroin 6 years ago. I still think of him often. Its often when there’s a happy occasion like a birthday party or a funny anecdote. I’m sad he’s missed those opportunities like getting married and having kids. But he chose to end his suffering and the cost is the loss of those joys. I wish he was still here, but who am I to say what he should or shouldn’t have done?

People often say that suicide is selfish, but I don’t think that’s always the case. People with depression often feel they’re such a burden on those around them that their family would be better off if they weren’t around.

I try to find meaning in suffering. An old man was devastated because he lost his wife of 50 years. Victor Frankl (a Jewish Viennese psychiatrist who was in aushwitz), asked the man what would have happened if she had outlived him. The man replied, “well that would be even worse because then she would be suffering the loss of me”. So every part of grief he experienced was grief he saved his wife from suffering.

good luck with your grief. It’s a long journey.
 

loewenzahn

Mythical Poster
16/12/14
7,863
2,118
113
Germany
I wish you tons of strength and power for carrying this burden. And a bunch of helpers on the way.
 
  • Like
Reactions: occb2

Raddave

Most Delicious of all Nipples!
Staff member
Global Moderator
Administrator
Certified
24/12/11
66,111
17,068
113
Stay strong Robby,

sorry for your loss Brother
 
  • Like
Reactions: occb2

BigOffshoreDaddy

OG RWI - The Man, The Myth, The Legend
Patron
Certified
26/3/06
7,583
598
113
The Republic of Texas
Sorry for your loss Rob occb2. My mother, God rest her, passed away from an accidental opioid OD 7 years ago. While there was a legitimate therapeutic need for what she was taking, it wasn't until after her passing that I learned that she had went beyond needing it to having to have it. She was indeed addicted. I know what you're going through though on many levels.

Same here to everyone: If you need help, I'm here as well. I know what it's like. I've not been there, but I have in a way. Whatever the case, I'm here as well if you need it.
 

hackkakid

Active Member
18/1/19
441
123
43
Merica
I am dealing with similar issues with one of my family members now. It is thankfully under control for the time being and you want to hope for the best, but a happy ending to drug addiction is becoming less common with these new opioid's. Sorry for your loss man...
 
  • Like
Reactions: occb2

Devinthedoc

Known Member
13/8/18
127
32
28
California,USA
Just coming across this now and my heart is torn. We are so fortunate to have Rob apart of our community. Hang in there buddy, only time can heal these wounds. Took me weeks to coup with my fathers diagnosis. God only knows how long it will take me to mourn his passing. My prayers goes out to you and your family.
 
  • Like
Reactions: occb2

Lagunax

I'm Pretty Popular
18/4/15
2,569
937
113
CONUS
Condolences, I have lost several close family members in the past decade and I have a glimpse of the dull, empty feeling of helplessness, pain, and loss that you bear.

But tomorrow is a brand new day. Cherish the memories, but go live in the sunlight. Bring happiness to those around you. Life is too short already as you know.

Take care my RWI brother.
 

Troklo

Active Member
23/12/15
380
149
43
Very sorry to hear what happened to you and your family As someone who has struggled with depression I really appreciate you making this post. To anyone out there that's struggling talk to people and see a therapist, it'll help, I promise.
 

Hans81

Active Member
23/2/15
327
170
43
Sorry to hear about your loss.

It’s one of the most difficult moments in life when you realize that you can’t solve health issues, even if you would do everything to be able to help. Had a girlfriend with MS at 35, she is ok, but you realize how quickly things can change in live if you are no longer in full control of your body and mind.
It’s well said not waste your time with fights about meaningless things. Live can change quickly. All the best for you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: occb2